Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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