Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
