we have pet lesbian snakes
time to smoke my breakfast
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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