Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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