If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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