woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
