You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
