I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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