I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
