I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
