This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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