I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
