I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
