At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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