Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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