If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
