theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There's always time for handjobs
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize