i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
