She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to calm my uterus...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
