I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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