HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
