Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I need help removing her.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize