she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
