Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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