There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
