Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
