The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
why is half of my head shaved?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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