I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
