theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
