I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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