Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
