You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
