please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize