bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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