I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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