yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
