i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sext me about skeletons
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
