I hate all girls vehemently.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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