I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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