At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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