She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
