a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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