After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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