p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
