I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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