As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
