You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
