so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
