Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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