And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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