dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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