I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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