Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize
