I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
