Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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