I'm laying in your front yard are you home
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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