Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm

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(816): View more from Missouri

this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..

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(503): View more from Oregon

still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona

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(970): View more from Colorado

just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?

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(206): View more from Washington

You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.

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(619): View more from California

Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.

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(804): View more from Virginia

She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks

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(317): View more from Indiana

They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.

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