well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
