Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
