I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
