It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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