i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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