I wish I only lived at night.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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