i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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