yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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