I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
