You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize