Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
