Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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