Umm I'm too high to move.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
