I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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