So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
