I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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