Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
