You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
