oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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