She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
