Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
