i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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