Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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