What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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