At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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