the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
