You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
