please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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