i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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