Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
