first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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