So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
