Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
