for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
What a dumb baby whore.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Randomize
