So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize