Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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