Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
