the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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