Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
