You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
